Aight, I was
making dinner and my mom's like, "Are you going to make
vegetables?" "No. I don't like vegetables [the frozen
kind]." "Then you don't have to eat them." WOOOOHOO! Now I
don't have to hide them in my napkin anymore! ;)
First no vegetables, next, I will take over the world! <insert evil
laughter here>
Today was over
cleaning at the church when I saw a homeless man. This struck me as odd. I
mean, I live in a relatively prestigious part of the city and we just
don't have homeless people hanging around. Nah, we like to remove them all
downtown.
I got to thinking about that. Why do all the homeless people hang around
downtown? If we really wanted to help them, downtown is not where they're
going to be best off. No one has the time, resources, or desire to help
them there. They can be conveniently forgotten.
Ding ding ding! That's why we make them all go downtown. So we can forget
that they exist. I was reminded of a circumstance from the movie The
Beach. The premise is that a group of people has removed themselves
from society to an island where they can smoke pot and have no
obligations. Pretty cool, huh? But no one else can know about the island,
or else it would become a tourist attraction. Consequently, problems
accrue when two of the members of the community get attacked by a shark.
One of the members died. The community held a funeral. The other member
was seriously injured. What to do?
"After the funeral we all tried to get back to normal, but it just
didn't seem right. After a while it became clear that the problem was
Christo. You see, in a shark attack, or any other major tragedy I guess,
the important thing is to get eaten and die, in which case there's a
funeral and someone makes a speech and everyone cries and says what a good
guy you were, or: get better in which case everyone can forget about it.
It's the hanging around in between that really pisses people off."
What to do...in the end, the community just removed Christo to a secluded
location where he was left alone (to die) so everyone else could move on
and forget that bad exists in the world. Utilitarianism at its best.
"It would be a lot easier to condemn our behavior if it hadn't been
so effective, but out of sight really was out of mind. The bad smell was
gone - it was like we had amputated Christo from our community and after
the operation was over, we felt a whole lot better." And that's all
that really matters, isn't it?
Hey...look,
there's a hole in the rods that hold up my desk...wow! That looks like it
would be just the size of my little finger. I think I will insert my
finger into that hole. Heheheheheheheh.
One Problem: Like many holes or spaces, the actual diameter of the
hole mysteriously "shrinks" after parts of the body are
inserted.
Conclusion: My finger was stuck. I mean, really stuck. I pulled. I
heaved. I yanked. I pried. All of this to no avail. That baby was not
coming out.
Solution: (after discarding the notion of cutting off my pinky or
sawing through the desk...) I decided to pull...even though the
sharp edge of the metal is cutting into my skin and making me cry "Ow!"
I did eventually get my finger out (yay). My knuckle was purple and I cut
the skin and I was still screaming "Ow!" but at least I had my
dignity. I mean. Um. My liberty. Yeah, that too.
In the winter,
my appendages get very, very cold. You know how people say, "Agh! My
toes/feet/ears/nose/fingers feel like ice"? Well, guess what! It's
been proven, honestly, that during these cold winter months, MY fingers
really DO turn to ice! It was cool, until my brother cut them off and put
them in his Coke. Then they got all sticky.
My dad got a
nose hair clipper for Christmas.
I picked up the never before used utensil and looked inside at the
menacing blades. What kind of a freaking idiot would stick that up into
a sensitive bodily orifice?!
Nevertheless, I felt terribly wimpy that I was afraid to stick that thing
up a nostril. So I thoroughly examined the packaging for any
"WARNING: USE OF PRODUCT MAY BE FATAL" labels. Nein. No such
thing.
Hmm... Do it, Kirsten! You can do it!
Eh.. eh... eh... NO! I can't!
And then I felt even wimpier because I should be able to do whatever I
darn well please.
Eh...NO! still can't. =\
And then, goshdarn, I just did it. BZZZZZT
Epiphany of the Day: Nose hair clippers tickle!
On a recent
commercial for some new conflabagasted toy, I heard: "'tis the
season to be greedy" sung to the tune of "Deck the Halls."
Way to celebrate the "holiday cheer."
I'm really sick of the way we currently do the whole "holiday
cheer" thing. Really conflabagasted sick of all the
expectations.
Don't you remember on Christmas day? You had finished opening all of your
lovely gifts and you then looked around you, glancing briefly at the new
toys and games and clothes (gasp! no! not clothes!) and... you heaved a
great sigh. A sigh of disappointment. One that spelled out, "Is that all?!
Gosh! I didn't get the Super Deluxe Kit for Beginning Astronauts that I
wanted!"
There is something intrinsically wrong when a child gets a million new,
lovely things and is ultimately disappointed.
To heck with the expectations of Christmas! I really am sick of them. I'm
sick of feeling like I have to buy presents for people. I'm sick of
inevitably being just a bit disappointed when all the gifts are unwrapped
and "that's all."
I'd much rather be in the giving spirit all year round. If my kid admired
a new toy, I could spring for it. Not for Christmas, but because I wanted
to. Then how thrilled would they be? They didn't expect it! Good things
are greater when you don't expect them.
But we couldn't all do it this way. Retail stores depend on Christmas
splurging to make profits... wouldn't want to throw off the economy or
anything.
One thing I
have noticed in my existence as a child is that if I am looking forward to
something, time comes to a standstill. If I want very much for it to be
two weeks from now, it will take at least a month for two weeks to
pass.
On the flipside, if there is something I am dreading, time passes like
lightning. If I want very much for Tuesday to keep its distance, Tuesday
comes upon me in a right hurry.
This isn't fair!
And it's beginning to piss me off.
Finals, for instance... Yes, I'm dreading them very much. It's not that I
think they will be so very difficult, I just need time to prepare. But
here they are. Upon me. Wednesday is coming rapidly, durnit.
The trick, then, is to find a balance. You must find something to dread
AND something to look forward to that fall on the same day. Then
time doesn't know how to drive you mad, so it just ticks by at a normal
pace. At least, that's the theory...